Still pregnant, 18 weeks, and I cried when I discovered…

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At the 12 week scan I refused to buy a ticket to purchase scan photos until they had told me there was a heart beat. I was fearing the worst again, so totally missed the bit when she said there were TWO heartbeats!! OMG I am having TWINS!

We had a private scan the other week, as I am still feeling really anxious about the whole thing and paranoid I will lose the pregnancy or they will find something wrong. They were both wriggling and definitely doing OK. One is a boy, and the other we think is a girl but cannot be sure.

I feel my next milestone is the 20 week anomaly scan, making sure they are both definitely OK. I am SO frightened they are going to tell me something is wrong.

There will be no hiding the bump when I go back to school next week – I’m quite skinny so the pot belly definitely looks like baby, although I am sure the kids will believe me if I told them I had taken up speed hotdog eating or something.

I feel so excited yet at the same time terrified. OMG OMG OMG.

I have always believed in fate, and feel totally blessed that after such heart ache of two missed miscarriages, I not have the chance of being a mum again to two babies.

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BFP #3

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Just one light AF after the last miscarriage,  and I have got myself another BFP!

I have now made 8 weeks, and so far no bleeding, which I will assume is a good sign.

My doctor requested an early scan due to the previous MMCs at 12 then 9 weeks, but obviously they are too busy, as I have only been offered a 12 week scan. 

If I find no heartbeat again at 12 weeks I am going to be so annoyed!

I still feel pregnant, my boobs hurt, really tired and mild nausea. Just keeping my fingers crossed that it all goes OK this time. It is so hard to feel optimistic.

I know my own body

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When I got to see the baby’s heartbeat at 7 weeks, and the doctor told me I could only be just over 5 weeks, I KNEW something was wrong, but they insisted on treating it as a viable normal pregnancy, and that I’d just got my dates wrong. I KNEW I hadn’t!

After some more spotting a couple of weeks later, I went back to the EPU for another scan. It was a rather blunt sonographer this time, who told me that some bleeding was normal during pregnancies. I felt like I was being treated like a hypochondriac who was freaking out over nothing, and therefore wasting NHS time.

When she started doing the scan, she had the same stroppy face as earlier, but her voice softened when she said “I’ll take the measurements then discuss it with you when I’m finished”. I knew at that point what she was going to say, and I do hope she then realised that I DO know my own body, and was quite right to request a scan.

It hurts having seen the heart beat, then for the pregnancy to end. It hurts more that no one listened to me when I said something was wrong the first time.

On the plus side, they have said if I get pregnant again, I will get a scan at 8 weeks to see what is happening.

 

They found a heartbeat but…

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The second ultrasound showed a heartbeat, and everything had definitely grown in 8 days. 🙂

Then they told me that the sac was measuring at 5+3, when I should be 7+2. The doctor spoke terrible English (good old NHS!), and kept trying to make out that I had my dates wrong or something. I don’t. I tried asking if she meant I ovulated late, and she said maybe.

They are treating this as a viable pregnancy, but the whole thing is really worrying me, as how can it possibly be two weeks behind the date calculated with the last missed period???

I won’t get another scan for 7 to 9 weeks now, when they calculate me to be 12 to 14 weeks. I think I will pay for a private one in a couple of weeks time to put my mind at ease, as given the baby died last time and my body didn’t react, then I just feel the same thing is going to happen again.

It is a horrible feeling being pregnant but feeling so negative about it. Trying to be positive, but it is so hard, as my gut feeling is telling me this isn’t right.

A glimmer of hope?

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Despite the heavily bleeding for 6 days, the scan showed a gestational sac! The uterus lining was very thin though.

As it was too early to see a heart beat, the scan was inconclusive, so I have to go back in 8 days time for another. This will either show that I have a viable pregnancy, or another incomplete miscarriage.

Dreading it.

The look on the person’s face who was doing the scan didn’t look optimistic, so I am expecting the worst, but there is a teeny tiny glimmer of hope still there…

Back to the early pregnancy unit again…

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After being thrilled to get a big fat positive again, I was gutted to start bleeding heavily just a week later.

It was so bad, I had to dig the maternity pads out. At least it was at 6 weeks this time rather than 12 weeks.

Having booked a doctors appointment to report the pregnancy, I then had to turn up to the same appointment to report the miscarriage.

Sigh.

He asked if I had taken another pregnancy test after the bleeding. Why would I???? It is unlikely anything would survive such bleeding.

He then made me take a test, which came back positive. Argh.

So now it’s back to the EPU to have a scan tomorrow to check that I don’t have an ectopic pregnancy. More than likely I just have high hormone levels from before I miscarried.

I never thought I would have to go back to that depressing place again, having
to queue up and sign in along with the heavily pregnant women, then sitting in that depressing waiting room of mostly crying people who have either just found out they’ve lost their baby, or waiting to find out.

Why on Earth are they so cruel, to make you walk through the waiting room of happy pregnant women with healthy babies to get to the room of doom???

Want your child to do well at school? Here are some tips…

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Then support your child and the school!

1. Sending your child to school in Miss Sexy tight trousers is NOT appropriate. There is a school uniform that needs to be adhered to. Uniform does NOT turn all children into clones – they can use their personality to be an individual. School is for learning, not a fashion parade.

(And why would you want your 14 year daughter old to be dressing like a sl*t???)

Taking a look at the sets at school, there is a direct correlation between how smart they look and how well they do. Lower sets have a much higher percentage of kids in the wrong uniform.

2. Turn up to parents evening! Can’t make it due to work? Then email the school and ask for an update. Again, a strong correlation between those that do well at school, and their parents that turn up to parents evening or contact the school.

Only 30% of my bottom set Y11 class had a parent that wanted to speak to me. 90% of my 2nd set wanted to attend.

3. Check if your child has done their homework. If they haven’t, offer them help, or at the very least provide them with a quiet place to work. Yet again, those children who have supportive parents who care if their homework is done are the ones who do well.

4. Support the school. If your child has been a little sh*t, then let the school punish them, and support the decision the school makes. We don’t give detentions out for fun, as they require people to supervise them – time is precious to teachers.

Those parents who are happy for me to give their kids after school detentions when work hasn’t been done are the ones that find their kids quickly learn that doing the work is an easier option.

Disagree with the school? Don’t b*tch about it to your child – discuss it with the school and come up with an alternative solution. It is important to show a united front.

What’s that old fashioned saying? A child is a reflection of their parents? Having been to quite a few parents evenings, I can usually tell what a parent is like just by knowing the child.

Always give your child the best education you can give them.

Looks like Aunty Flo again :(

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HUGE spot on forehead, stomach cramps… so much for all our TTC efforts this month, despite having a light sleeper in the room next to us whilst we live with the inlaws! It has just dawned on me that it is now 10 months since we have been trying for baby #2. Was really not wanting AF again this month, but the tell tale signs are prodding and poking me. sigh.

I start to worry about what if we have left it too late. Having just exchanged contracts on a nice big 4 bed detached house, what if it now never happens?? Can a 35 year old have IVF if I have already had one child? Would we have to pay for it?

Trying not to let it get me down, but any signs of AF make me feel extra miserable.

The trauma of living with the in-laws

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I am counting off the days (22 of them!) until we should be proud owners of our new house!

Again, I don’t want to sound like an ungrateful cow, as we are living her rent and bill free, but I AM GOING INSANE!!!

1. When I have just told my son we are not having pudding, and it’s time for him to go up to bed, it is REALLY annoying for my MIL to then ask him if he would like to take a slice of lemon cake up with him. NO HE WOULD NOT!

2. The bathroom has a carpet in it, and someone (probably FIL, as he has a rather large belly so clearly can’t see his d**k) keeps peeing all over it!

3. Feeding the dog at the meal table is VILE. It expects to be fed, so walks round the table dribbling. Makes me want to puke.

4. My BIL appears to INHALE his food. It is like having meal times with a PIG. He helps himself to whatever he wants, no regards to how many it needs to be shared between, shovels his food faster than I thought humanly possible, then tonight took the last piece of beef, that I was about to eat, and gave it to this dog!

5. They are fat because they eat so much sh*t!! I cooked toad in the hole the other night, and despite a HUGE quantity of food, FIL was then eating a huge bowl of icecream an hour later, then started on a pile of biscuits an hour after that. OMG!

6. And no I am NOT skinny. I am in normal weight category. Ok, at the bottom of it, but a normal weight. I eat PLENTY, more than the recommended amount as I move about a lot, and I do NOT need a lecture on getting too skinny if I decline a biscuit having had a huge dinner!

7. There is NOTHING wrong with wanting to be organised. We can choose the takeaway now, then order a little later, otherwise it will arrive far too late for a 4 year old to eat, then I will spend the meal time trying to feed a tired and grumpy child. I hate being told to “chill out” when I just want to be organised.

OK, rant over I think. Aunty flo due on Friday, so that will no doubt send me into a bigger pile of frustration if I am not pregnant again. It was tough getting pregnant the first time, devastating to loose the baby at 11/12 weeks, and now the getting pregnant thing is not happening again.